This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
soo... how was my night?
My life is pants optional.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
