You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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