I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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