A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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