I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can text with my tongue
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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