how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
