I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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