why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
