I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
