No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize