Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
