I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
