dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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