so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She's the barista slut.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
