You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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