I have demons in me.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
