Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
