Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
