We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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