She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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