Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
