she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
