after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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