I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
