OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
