im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
