Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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