So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
