Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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