I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
