I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
