I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
