remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
