Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
