dude i'm inner monologue high
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
