you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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