Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
