Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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