It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Found the puke drawer
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
