i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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