My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize