Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
