did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
