You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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