I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
