Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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