if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
