Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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