I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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