R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
literally had 100 drinks last night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize