My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
