I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
