Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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