I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize