I think I won the penis lottery.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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