New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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