The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize