they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
