we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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