Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
