I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
