I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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