in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
