Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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