2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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