I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
