Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
