So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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