you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
