Jerry, you need to find god
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize