Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
