im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
