i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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