I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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