Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
