I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
