I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
