He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
