By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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