Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
