And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
