Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
