when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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