tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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