I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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