Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Randomize