I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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