His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
