thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
