hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
