if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
