STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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