He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You need Xanax blowdarts
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
