so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
