WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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