im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
