No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
