Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
