please come you make the beer taste better
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
