I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
