I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
