you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
