glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
