I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
