im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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