watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
