I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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