Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
