you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
