Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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