Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize