if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
