You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
