I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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