I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
