she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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