he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
