Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize