my phone needs a breathalizer
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
