So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
