It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
